You are Worthy

When I was in my fast fleeting teen years, my greatest inspiration in life was a show called “One Tree Hill”. I lived bi-curiously through those characters and in particular, Peyton Sawyer; a blond cheerleader who was great in art and music.

Even though I could already sketch, this popular high-schooler had my love for art and rock music grow tremendously. My favorite vehicle was an American muscle car; A convertible Mercury Comet! One with a black exterior and red interior just like Peyton’s car. I wasn’t however opposed to a white interior; I guess I still had a little imagination left. Lol!

My love for this show was so over the top that I easily recited all the character’s lines in most of the nine seasons. Their trouble-filled life was always met with a relentless can-do attitude. This modern fairy tale saw everyone’s dreams come to pass by the time the credits rolled in the final episode.

No matter how unhealthily obsessed I was with it, One Tree Hill still taught me something. It taught me that life is never handed to anyone on a silver platter. It taught me that I hold the key to whatever destiny I desire. It taught me that redemption is possible even for the vilest of characters. It taught me to dream. I believe that is why I really loved it because, at that time, I had no capacity to dream, but these characters were doing the dreaming for me.

Fast forward two decades later, yes, now when I no longer glory in fantasies. Don’t get me wrong, I still love a good show and getting lost in a captivating novel. However, I have found something greater. I have found God. I found my creator and not only did He come bearing loads of promises. He came with an answer as to why He created me in the first place, my purpose on this earth.

Growing up, this was a big one for me; what’s my purpose? While everyone always seemed to fit in and know exactly what they wanted to do with their lives, I was clueless and it didn’t help that I was a poor student either. Recently, my high school classmates formed a reunion group on WhatsApp and the memories we shared had me laughing all day but what’s saddening is how easily I retreated to the person I was back then. Someone unsure of herself and ready to apologize for her opinions just because others thought contrary to her.

I dislike this version of myself. Incredibly.

In the past couple of years as I have gotten closer to God, I have also gotten to know more of who I am in Him. The Word not only calls me His child, an heir in Christ and Justified in Christ, it also tells me that fear doesn’t come from God. The Bible tells me that I was created for a purpose and I was preordained for good things. This alone tells me that my Creator put me here for a reason, He wasn’t bored one afternoon and decided to surprise my mother with a “+” sign on her pregnancy pee stick, no, He actually planned out what He wanted me to accomplish on earth.

I will be honest, knowing that and actually knowing the answer to: “what’s my purpose then?” are two different things. And that drove me to my knees a couple of times seeking to find out exactly what I needed to do with my life. One day, after two very stress-filled weeks, His answer finally came: “but I gave you talents!”

My excitement at finally having some kind of direction was through the roof but it would be close to three years before I actually narrowed down exactly what I was to do with my talents. Don’t get me wrong, I didn't just sit down waiting to get a clearer answer, no. I identified my talents, enrolled in online classes to polish my skills, joined online platforms to get clients, started blogs, called myself one thing then retracted it, etc.

Recently, I decided I was done being a jack of all trades and actually narrow down my calling. The year 2021 had rolled in and I was done being unsure of myself. It is interesting that when I finally figured out what I'm meant to be, the truth had been staring at me the whole time.

I like writing, clearly, but I want to write things that really matter and other freelancing niches weren’t giving me that. They paid okay for sure but the information had no life-changing power which is what I believe my talents are made for; to change lives…and for me, that is being a Christian writer.

When I finally admitted to myself that I am indeed a Christian writer, I was awed at how much content I had pilled over the years. I had started and closed two faith-based blogs - both of which had content. I had collected a couple of great ideas for articles. I had written a few Christian fictional stories. And just recently, I finished a faith-based e-book! All these I did all the while asking myself; what is my purpose?

Did you read that last question with a “duuuh” tone? You should, because, how blind can a person be? Yet, that is what I have been all these years, blind to my uniqueness because this isn’t what others in the industry are doing. They are all flooding Upwork looking for their next gig, which is okay but just because everyone is following a certain route doesn’t mean we all should.

You are worthy. It’s that simple. These are the words I wish I could tell my seventeen-year-old self because that girl never had anyone believe in her. However, God did and He made sure that I would know it before I left this earth. That I am worthy and so are you.